... Literally.
I havn't blogged for so long, I'm beginning to amaze myself.
3 things have been preoccupying my life endlessly, virtually causing me to have a "blog"-kage of information to write.
1) Work. - omgwtfgg (I will explain later)
2) World of Warcraft - Hammerbull.
3) Alvin
Firstly, work. Before I actually immerse myself completely in my work and forget completely how my past life has been, let me rant about the extreme changes that work has wrought on my life.
108 hour work week: Record ever. Seriously, even working at SPH in my heyday never amount up to so much.
You know, it would be much worth my effort and my soul if I could get something out of this.
So let me record what skill I would be honing:
A) Micromanagement and Macromanagement:
I realized that I have always been an extremely "single-focused" person my entire life. Give me 1 task, and I will do it magnificently for you. Give me 100, and I would probably die on the spot vomiting blood.
My job requires me to be on the ball at ALL times, during my average of 15 hours work day. Contracts, location requisition, artiste management, crew management and tens of other stuff to keep track at all times. All this WHILE ensuring that the director can get his/her shot correctly, the scene is done with all continuity etc.
B) Creativity
Unlike what many people think, I never really prided myself in my creativity. As much as I do not like to admit, I'm a robot (think: Erasmus), that tries to copy what is esteemed as perfect creativity.
The skill I lack is - Flare. a.k.a Artistic Flare.
To rise up in my industry, you NEED to have this crazy, unstable thing called artistic flare. Entire scenes can change to a beautiful new creation with just a tilt, an out-of-box thinking to massive logistic nightmares.
C) Endurance
So far, endurance seem to be the ultimate key to success at the initial stage. To cope with the long hours, you must forfeit so many things you love and enjoy. However, that does not mean you lose the things you love, but rather you have to create stuff that you enjoy in your work.
... well.. Things I enjoy in my work would probably be mingling with the artistes and directors and understanding their point of view. Even if it is albeit conflicting.
No OT, no off days, no leave (yet: till January). Some people would rather quit on the spot then endure such a nonsensical exploit.
BUT I WILL ENDURE. =)
At least to prove to myself that I can do it.
Army seems like a piece of cake compared to this. Yet the amount of satisfaction you get when you finish a day of work is unparalleled.
Next:
World of Warcraft
Seriously. I think I'm getting addicted to this game. Which is really bad. I don't normally play games that last so long.
It really does have a fantastic game play, storyline and interface. All which combines to make exactly what my prediction in my research paper for MMORPG - The Future of Gaming come true.
- An extremely detailed and well created world
- An economy that is bustling with thousands of items trading every second
- An open communication between administrators and players
- An ever changing culture-scape
- An ever changing timeline
All these were my prerequisites in creating a perfect game.
Well. I didn't really had to look really far. World of Warcraft is there.
But then again. Despite my cautionary advise against getting hooked on that game, here I am playing my balls off.
NB.
Next:
Alvin
Relationship is getting kinda strained. Work is taking an immense toll, and his examination stress doesn't put him in the best of moods either.
I wish things could be better, but my mood has become a lot more volatile and unstable.
... in fact many people has noticed it too.
But I still spend as much free time as I can spare to go out with him.
... I really dunno... Is this working out?
My words tend to sharpen when talking to him.. to the point of cuttingly vicious just to end the conversation.
I'm just really so tired I don't want to talk sometimes. But I know I have to because he will get all moody and stuff.
There are times I just feel like I've wasted hours talking just to pacify him and stop talking.
Maybe I'm still not suitable for a relationship.
Almost every time we talk, it's an argument.
Almost every time we meet, it's a cold war.
Almost every time we argue, it ends up making everything shitty.
I don't recall myself being like this.
Seriously..
Pride, arrogance, complacency, sarcasm, violence... all these are traits that I hate, but why am I showing them to him?
... i've lost my sense of self even.
Sometimes I just want to go into isolation to seal myself out from everything.
But he would do something stupid. I know.
When was the last time I ever felt so unsure?... probably never.
My life is in turmoil.
I just feel so stupid.
.............. I don't even know why I'm doing this.
